The name sums it aptly. I always wonder why heaps of tourists visit Suicide Point when they go to a hill station. In India all most all hill stations, be it Ooty or Shimla has multiple suicide points. It is a sheer Paradox that People who come on a holiday visit suicide points. Ideally, they should be visiting locales which give them happiness, but why Suicide point? May be death is intriguing! Maybe they are scared to die. Maybe they are brave. I don’t know! But the idea still irked me!
I have chosen Wednesday on a rainy season so that there is no crowd. Also, even if people turn up it will be late in the afternoon. And hence I decided to do it in the early morning. I didn’t want any drama in my death. I just want to end this misery. Well I am not going to tell a sad story for you to sob and judge me whether I need to die or not. Just that my life at this point of time, seemed like a movie without any script. I didn’t have excitement or purpose to live. I have chased enough things and most of them seem to be out of my reach. As I made my final climb, the path was slippery. I almost fell down at a point, and told myself to be careful. Strange is it not? Why should someone who is on his final voyage needs to be careful. The point was I wanted to die and not get injured. A Jump from the Suicide point ensures Death and that is what is left.
If you had been to a suicide point there is always a localite who tells how last week only one young man jumped and his body was recovered in the nearby Lake. Will my body also have the same fate, as I looked at the point closely. May be my body will be struck in a tree. Maybe It will float in the Lake. But it is irrelevant at this point of time. After Death, whether your body is found in the Lake or the Valley, it does not really matter.
I started to have a strange sensation in my head and stomach. Not sure if that was the fear. There was no need to fear anything, I told myself. I have had this conversation in my mind many times. A life which is not worth living, needs to end! Period! I was sure no one is going to regret it. May be no one will even know about it.
The place strangely looked serene. A suicide point should be eerie or at least that’s what I expected. But this place was stunningly beautiful with the glory of majestic mountains beaming all across. Maybe it was meant to be a poetic death.
I decided to make the final plunge. I looked down. It looked really scary. I had read that many thoughts appear in your mind when you actually take your life. But my mind was really blank.
Just then I saw the beautify Red butterfly flying in front of me. The design in its body looked like a fractal gone right. There were 7-8 colours in its body and each of them appeared like a poetry on its own. May be Death makes you notice the tiniest of the details, I assumed.
Strangely it came and sat in my hand. I smiled. And it appeared it was looking at me closely. May be after a very long time someone looked at me so closely.
Are you going to end your life? The Butterfly asked. It looked unreal! Was this a voice from my mind. But it was a girl’s voice. So, it cannot be mine. I turned around to see if anyone is there. No one was there!
I looked at the Butterfly… Is that you, the Butterfly?
It nodded gently…
Yes, I am! I have come to conclusion that this life is not worthy enough for me to pursue and am putting an end to it!
I was prepared for the Sermon. To whomever you talk about Death, they always throw these philosophies.
“Hang on! Good things are bound to happen”
“People have fought bravely and You should too!”
“Vignesh lost his family completely and still he made a difference”
The worst part of these conversations was that no one was prepared to listen. I never wanted solutions idiots, I just wanted someone to listen without interrupting me. I didn’t want to hear whether it is going to be ok. I Just wanted someone who could hear me out. But strangely, India is not a place for that. People have to flush their opinions on to you. Mostly I would end up hearing their story. So, I gave up responding to any of these stories.
The Butterfly could be no different. I looked at it waiting for the response.
It looked at me and said “Sad. How this world is such a cruel place.”
I asked “Why?”
The Butterfly said, how nice it would be if you could transfer some of your life to me! I have things to do but so less time.
I asked how much time you have?
Normally we don’t live for more than One week or maximum ten days. I can’t even fly around this mountain in a week. And I see every alternate day someone jumping from here. How nice if I could take all their lives and live for at least 10 more days?
And What would you do in these 10 days?
Well it is not about what I would do. I just want to live for more time. This place is such a beautiful place. I want to see more flowers across the mountains. And also, I would want to fly to the other side of the mountain.
Ok. What is there on the other side of the mountain?
Well there is a small Butterfly park where lots of butterflies are there. Next week there is a butterfly exhibition and how I wish I could attend that.
What happens if you attend that?
Well! Nothing happens. Do we need to have a reason for everything? Just that lots of kids come and see us and it makes us happy and it looks like they are happy too, seeing us everywhere.
Is that enough for you to live?
What else do you need to live? The Butterfly asked.
I didn’t have an answer.
The Butterfly was ready to fly. “Ok, I have to go! Let me see how far I can reach today! But really I wish I could take some of your life with me”
And it flew away from me!
And at that moment, I don’t know what changed. I decided I wouldn’t end my life!